I am one day away from boarding a plane to Bend, Oregon to attend the USA Cycling Cyclocross National Championship.

My primary focus will be the Cumberland University cycling team as we race cyclocross nationals, but secondarily I am focused on racing it myself.  One year ago this event was not on my radar screen as an athlete.  Back then I was already making plans to have Cumberland attend, but I was not making plans to race myself.  As the summer progressed I developed an itch for 'cross without even having a bike.  I rarely allow an itch to go unscratched, so I bought a bike and dove head first into 'cross.  I admit being quite timid when I first began, but after about 10 races my comfort level has risen.  I may be biting off more than I can chew in Bend, but that's standing operating procedure for me.  Either way our trip will be a valuable learning experience for our future, and goes to show our hearts and minds can take us anywhere we set our sights on going.

I have had a lot to share lately and there is more to come soon.  My head and heart have been blending and bouncing off one another lately in ways I have not experienced before.  Maybe it is because of pent up emotions in need of release.  My schedule from August to December is usually not as hectic and travel heavy as it has been due to Cumberland's increased schedule, which means less time to devote releasing my thoughts onto a screen.

I realize my occupation affords me endless opportunities to explore and expand my horizon as an athlete and coach, and for that I am very grateful because I end up with valuable life experiences I can share with others.  If all those moments stopped with me then what a waste it would be, and frankly I believe God would be quite displeased.  For a coach or any leader it is critical for us to have first hand experience and knowledge of what we are asking others to do.  How can I effectively explain how to do something if I lack any experience doing so myself?  Moreover, in our jobs or sports it can be difficult to trust words of instruction if the leaders have never "been there, done that."

I have never had a problem speaking my mind and standing up for what I know to be right.  At times this can make for uncomfortable discussions and occasional silence, but what must be said must be said.  However, I have had problems with sharing my inner most feelings with others on a one-on-one level.  I can count on one hand the number of people I trust to say anything and know they will accept me for me, while also holding me accountable in a loving and thoughtful way.  I do not seek confirmation of being right, but I do seek validity in my existence and the emotions behind it.  If I am taking the wrong approach then someone should tap me on the shoulder and shake their head.  We must share ourselves deeply if we expect to reach our potential while helping others do the same.

Up to a few days ago I would have used the word "trust" as the common denominator, but a better word was shared by a friend which has me rethinking my approach - that word is "safe."  Wow, it stopped me in my tracks.  Think about that word for a moment.  How great does it feel to be in the company of someone we feel safe being around?  How comforting does it feel if our words and emotions are safely respected and treated with care?  Trust is difficult to build and easy to destroy.  Safety is easy to give and wonderful to receive.  I want to give and receive more safety!

I have held myself back because of my inability to feel safe, which of course means I have held others back too.  Since becoming a full-time cycling coach I have submitted to becoming like clay that can be molded to what God has in store for me.  It took me a few years to understand my rigidity was becoming a weakness.  This can be especially true when you work with young people full of new ideas and unlimited energy.  As I have said before, "What got you here won't take you there."  In other words, take everything learned up to this point and employ it using a different method.  As I follow that logic I do my best to do it all with care and love, without selfish motives.  I know I am not 100% successful in achieving this, but I do aim to improve today over yesterday.

As usual, I begin to write about a subject and it ends up taking an unplanned textual turn.  As I re-read the above I can see that my learning experiences through "doing" go hand-in-hand with the "safety" I feel with others.  What good is it if I experience all these adventures if I am unable to effectively share it with people I care about?  Not much.  If I feel safe with someone but lack experience to offer feedback then all I am is a listener.  I must have both working in conjunction if you and I are to come anywhere close to our potential.  Therefore, as you read about all these cool and fun things I am doing just know there is something bigger going on here.  It may not be revealed today or tomorrow or ever, but I do have confidence that we are all supposed to impact one another - compounding joy.

We have a lot of work in front of us.  Let's get after it.